To Catch a Douchebag
Column: Love-Drunk or Hungover
by Mika Doyle
After writing about the good, the bad, and the ugly-bits of online dating for the Love-Drunk or Hungover column, I have to say that my on-the-fence opinion of this dating strategy has finally found a side to land on. I’ve tried several online dating sites, both free and subscription-based, and I have several friends who swear by online dating, but I’ve come to realize it just isn’t for me. Maybe I can say that with such strong conviction right now because my four-year stint as a single girl ended several months ago, but I have just come to feel that there’s an unnaturalness to the process that I could never get over. There was no way to get that initial gut feeling about the person because all you had to go off of was a photo (that could be fake) and a profile (that could be even more fake).
And then there is the multitude of douchebags who seem to have completely taken over online dating sites.
That’s why I love a blog that I stumbled across called To Catch a Douchebag. Its tagline is “real messages from the online dating world,” and the blog features online dating messages and their corresponding profile pics with the faces fuzzed out. For those of you who have never tried online dating, you might not find the site amusing or even believable. For those (like me) who have tried online dating, you will love this site because you’ll see messages that mirror the filth that filled your inbox on your online dating site of choice. Here are just a few excerpts:
Any girl’s dream: “I just came across your profile with my friend and we couldnt decide who gets to message you…so we figured we’d see if you would want to be with 2 guys sometime ;)”
Okay, really? Are we in grade school? “You should email me if you rock climb. Although that would be quite an accomplishment with boobs that size.”
Apparently loving scuba makes you a deep person: “I’ll be honest. I’m a nymphomaniac. I’m looking for a hardcore undercover girl who likes to be selfishly massaged. If you like to be pleased then look at my profile and message me back if you like what you see. I’m not an empty shell. I love scuba. P.s. Your body is super hot”
My favorite message was a post called Mr. Cialis because it reminded me of this disturbing message I had received from a man more than 20 years my senior. Mr. Cialis’ message was too sleezy to post here, but be sure to check it out on the To Catch a Douchebag blog.
What’s the worst message you’ve received on an online dating site?
Love and cyber sleeze,
Mika
Inspire Rockford 
I tried online dating once back in the day. While I don’t have the horror stories that you and everyone else on that web site did, I will share a bad experience that might lessen your opinion of me.
I met a girl that was similar to me in many respects. Her picture wasn’t taken very well, so I really couldn’t tell what she looked like. I didn’t care too much, because I was ready to meet a girl after moving to Rockford. When I met her in person, I was disappointed to discover that I wasn’t the least bit attracted to her physically. Since I didn’t want to the THAT guy, I dated her for a while. After all, we got along well, shared similar tastes in movies/music, etc. Things were going OK (not great), and I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. Call me shallow, but I couldn’t handle being with something that I couldn’t stand to look across the dinner table.
Although some of these douchbags are really pushing the envelope, I’m not entirely surprised. The anonymity allowed over the Internet makes people do strange things. It reminds me of an episode of “How I Met Your Mother” about the Naked Man. A newly introduced character would take a stab at getting lucky on the first date by standing stark naked in the girl’s living room. According to him, the Naked Man worked “two out of three times.” I believe that a lot of those guys on that site are merely throwing out a Hail Mary in the hopes that some lady out there is crazy enough to go for it.