Where Have All The Cosmos Gone?

I’m going to come out and say it: Sex and the City has somewhat wrecked my early 20’s. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love Sex and the City marathons with my girlfriends or the helpful advice of Carrie and her problems with Big when I’m having a bad day or catching an episode that’s all about girl power while doing the dishes but a part of me blames Sex and the City for some of the unhappiness I’ve experienced in my early 20’s. Let’s journey back to a college dorm room far far away….

Sitting in my dorm at Illinois Wesleyan University, I often dreamed of what my life would be like post-college. Flooding my mind were images of nights out in swanky bars sipping cosmos in my little black dress and killer $400 heels. After a night of fun with my stunning girlfriends and beautiful guy friends, I would saunter back to my fabulous high-rise apartment overlooking the city decorated perfectly with matching pillows, posh art and perfect lighting. I’d fall asleep in my beautiful mahogany sleigh bed and wake up to run errands around town in my cute comfy clothes looking perfectly put together. Nauseated yet? Don’t worry…. that’s nothing like my reality….

In reality, my life is far less posh and far more ordinary. My looks, for some reason, didn’t magically transform after to college to resemble Kristin Davis after I received my college diploma. My dream job didn’t fall magically into my lap the second I left the quad. My first apartment had bugs and was the complete OPPOSITE of a high rise – it was in the basement. I looked around at my life and burst into tears and asked myself, “Where have all the cosmos gone?”

Sex and the City had helped to create a false sense of what my 20’s would be like. I had assumed that, while probably not quite as lavish as the lives of the four Sex and the City girls, my life would be somewhat similar. When my life didn’t even come close to matching, I broke down and lost it. To be honest, it took quite a while to realize that my life was a lot like that of the SATC girls… just wrapped in a different package.

Sex and the City really focused on just a few main areas: girlfriends (and their problems or your problems with them), boyfriends (and the problems they created) and self (and your own problems). That was my life in a nutshell!! Sure, the scenery for SATC was that of Central Park, Times Square and Fifth Avenue but really, that wasn’t important. What was important was the relationships I was creating. My life didn’t involve posh nights wearing $400 shoes, extravagant shopping trips conquering every major label known to man or perfect skin but it did involve wonderfully amazing girlfriends that valued me and who I was as a person, great guys along with guy problems and even my own little shoe collection (hello Bergner’s Yellow Dot Sale!!). My life may not have the pretty bow but the inside of the package was exactly the same and completely worth celebrating.

Some times life doesn’t turn out how we plan – sometimes there are fewer cosmos and more Bud Lights; but, most of the time, it ends up being even better than we ever could imagine. Sure, Sex and the City sent me spiraling into tears about my life more than once, but it did teach me one very valuable lesson: being true to yourself and accepting who you are and where you are in life is what will really make you happy – no matter what the package may look like to others. The relationships you create, including the relationship with yourself is really what makes life so fantastic.

After all, “the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”  (Carrie Bradshaw – Final Episode of SATC)


~ by caitlinludwig on July 20, 2010.

4 Responses to “Where Have All The Cosmos Gone?”

  1. Wow, this post almost made me cry. Just wow, Caitlin, you really nailed this one :).

  2. Oh thanks!!! 🙂

  3. I just love this post too! I’m a big Sex and the City fan (though kind of in the closet about that, some girls at work found out and started laughing at me, they can’t see me watching reruns like I do) but I agree, you nailed it!

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