We Need to Get You a Man

Titan is the only man I need in my life!

So believe it or not, the title of this post is something I hear quite often. It usually follows a barrage of questions like “are you dating yet?” and “how old are you?” and “where do you go to meet men at your age?” And let me just add for those of you who don’t know me, I am only 26. I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t consider 26 to be very old.

Most will ineviteably ask how long it’s been since I last had a boyfriend, and my response of 3 1/2 years is almost always met with complete shock and an immediate offer to “hook me up” with their friend/brother/cousin/coworker/random acquaintance who would be absolutely perfect for me because he’s single, too. (For a fun backstory on my “lengthy” period of singleness, check out my post “How Many Frogs Have You Kissed?“)

Gag.

To all of you couples out there, let me just make something perfectly clear: being single is not a disease. It is not an unfortunate and painfully necessary phase in everyone’s life. It just means one is not currently in a relationship. That’s all. Your single friends are not looking for your pity. In fact, unless they open their mouths and physically ask you for dating advice or help, they’re not looking for anything from you except your friendship. (Okay, we all know at least one single person with the “woe-is-me” attitude, but I’m not one of them and neither are most of the singles I know)

So, no, you do not need to get me a man. When the time is right for ME, and only then, I’ll find me a man, and I’ll want to be with him for more reasons than him being single, too. Until then, I’m perfectly fine cuddling with my 90-pound bulldog Titan.

And for all of you singles out there — keep on keepin’ on!

Love and big cuddly dogs,

Mika

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~ by Mika Doyle on July 9, 2010.

17 Responses to “We Need to Get You a Man”

  1. Well said. Very well said. 🙂 The whole “we need to get you a man” comment honestly just offends me. I can kill my own spiders and figure out a way to get something off the top shelf all on my own, thank you very much.

  2. You know, I think singlness is a relationship: a relationship with yourself. It’s one that people forget about too often and too many (mainly women sadly) forget about. Sometimes (and I admit to being way too guilty of this for my liking) we lose touch of the things we love because we’ve been bending over backwards for the other half of the couple we’re in. So yeah, forget that getting the man or woman…just enjoy you. And never, NEVER underestimate the value of a dog-snuggle. My two boys are epic cuddlers.

    • What a great point, Taylor! I totally agree about singleness being a relationship with oneself. I was actually single for more than 2 years by choice because I really wanted to figure out who I was and what I wanted out of life before getting into another relationship. I definitely think that’s time in one’s life that most take for granted.

  3. For myself, the single life drives me insane, why is that? Now for those who know me (and, well Mika does.) There are obvious reasons the dating scene doesn’t work for me.
    I really don’t know how I’d respond in an “arranged” dating situation. I consider myself a “woe-is-me” single man, and it feels, kinda stupid! I’m not gonna lie around sulking like a dope. I’m just going to focus on my goals. I am single, not really wanting to be, but in no way is single-hood a bad thing. I’ll keep pluggin’ away doing what I do, and the right person will come along. Thank you for another uplifting, motivating column Mika. you are a goddess of a digital blogosphere war, armed with a keyboard. An internety Athena. All hail NetThena (or iThena, your choice.) and that is all.

    • BTW it’s me Ken. Ken Markley

      • I totally hear you on the single life being a little mind-numbing sometimes. As much as I love being a strong, independent female, I can completely relate to those times when being single feels pretty lonely, especially when you get into your twenties and older and everyone you know is getting married and having kids. I think the message to really focus in on in your comment, Ken, is that being single provides a great opportunity to really focus on your own goals without the distraction of another person in your life. Some might see it as a sacrifice, but optimists like me see it as an opportunity. Thanks for sharing such great insights (as usual)!

  4. Love it Mika!

  5. Wow, now I feel really bad for delivering that line at last week’s meeting. Had I know, I would have rephrased it. Let me explain.

    Saying a comment like “We need to find you a man” doesn’t mean that the person saying it considers you to be inferior or in a bad place. Quite the contrary, actually. I truly miss the single life sometimes, and am genuinely jealous.

    That being said, relationships are at their happiest (and I say that as a relative term) when they are at the beginning “puppy love” stages. The “butterflies” are great, and people who care about you love to see other people experience that, especially if it means that they were a part of making you happy. Plus, as financial professionals, it’s kind of ingrained in our heads to be good networker’s, right? 😉

    Bottom line, if I offended you, I apologize. I meant no disrespect whatsoever. More than anything, it’s just to get a laugh out of you, not to spotlight the fact that you’re single (which isn’t a bad thing, in my book). You’re successful in your career, involved in your community, easy to get a long with, and attractive to boot. When I was dating, girls like that were always taken (except for my wife, of course). 😉

    • No offense taken, Scott. I know when people say stuff like that, there’s really no malice behind it. I just hear stuff like that often enough that it turned a light bulb on in my head for the blog. I hope you don’t mind my taking it and running with it :).

  6. I’m right with you Mika! I love being in a committed relationship with the right man. But, and that’s a huge But, until I find someone I enjoy being with, as much as I enjoy being by myself, I’ll stay single. Someone once said, “If you have yourself for a friend, you are always in good company.”

    • Love that quote! It’s so true and harkens back to single people embracing being single. Thanks for reading my blog, Ms. Fontechia!

  7. Great post, Mika! Now that I think I’ve settled in a permanent location, family members want to set me up and see me “coupled.” I think they want somebody else to see everything we have to offer for a good relationship, so they can’t help themselves. Btw, I’m 26 too – we’re still young!

    • Yes, we are still young and have LOTS of time!!!! I totally hear you on family members wanting to see us settle down. I love the point you make about our families seeing how great we are and not really understanding why someone else hasn’t seen it yet, too. I hadn’t really thought of it that way, but you’re so right!

  8. I didn’t get a chance to see this until last night, but I wanted to comment. Depending on my mood, I can either be annoyed that someone wants to fix me up…or honored. I think there’s a lot to be said for a friend who sees you as an incredible person who deserves to be appreciated by someone special. It’s all about the context. 🙂

    Also…love the picture so much!

  9. I hope you will keep updating your content constantly as you have one dedicated reader here.

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